Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
