I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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