Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
