she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she peed on how many people?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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