i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
