I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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