I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
