You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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