nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
