are you so shy because you have an std?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
