I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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