When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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