Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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