you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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