Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
