i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
