Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
