If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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