I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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