Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
