We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
