I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
