i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
im on a boat
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