if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
