Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
