ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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