There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
