Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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