3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
