i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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