He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
