STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
