He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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