sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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