you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize