Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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