I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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