Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
