when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
