I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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