You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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