Do you still have your period?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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