Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
