my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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