you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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