Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
