I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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