Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
