i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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