So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
