This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
