I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
