It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
