when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So much Jack, so little girl.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
